How It REALLY Happened-Target in the Viewfinder: You're My Loveprize
by J Unleashed
Summary: Asami Ryuichi and Takaba Akihito meet for the first time. It's a good day for Asami... not so much for Takaba. A parody of the original story from "Target in the View Finder".


~With sincere apologies to Yamane-sensei who owns the rights to the Finder series, but I just can't resisting touching...

**Target in the View Finder: You're My Loveprize**

. . . . .

On a rooftop near Club Sion, Shinjuku, intrepid photojournalist-wannabe Takaba Akihito snaps a picture of a corrupt politician, outside a nightclub, engaging in criminal activity... because you KNOW any politician found loitering outside a nightclub MUST be engaging in some kind criminal activity.

. . . . .

A few days later, somewhere downtown Tokyo in Asami Ryuichi's office, Tattletale Kirishima Kei brings in a file containing pictures.

Kirishima opens the file and places the pictures on Asami's desk. "Sir... you're not going to believe this! Apparently, the manager of Club Sion has a 'kink' for policemen... so to get their attention he invited a photojournalist-wannabe to take pictures of him bribing a corrupt politician in front of the club. Now your club is filled with a bunch ugly undercover cops who just sit around... NOT buying drinks. Do you want us to do anything about it?"

Asami glares at Kirishima.

Kirishima nervously turns to fellow lackey, Suoh Kazumi , "I think we should fire the manager."

Suoh rolls his eyes, "You think?!" He pulls out a gun and loads a clip into it.

Kirishima and Suoh exit the office. Asami looks down at his desk. There are three surveillance photos taken of the young photographer, Takaba Akihito, looking **_damnsexy!_**

Asami takes a long drag off of a cigarette and exhales. "God, I'm horny..."

. . . . .

In an alley, in a questionable part of the city, Takaba is being "roughed up" by Kirishima and Suoh.

"Why the hell are you coming after me?!" Takaba yells. "The newspaper rejected those photos! They ran my rival's pictures of a kitten roundhouse-kicking a dog instead." He looks up and spots Asami standing there, watching. Takaba thinks he looks rather sexy.

"You think I'm sexy, huh?" Asami leers at Takaba. "Well, you're kind of cute yourself."

Flustered, Takaba replies, "Wha...? I NEVER SAID THAT! As matter of fact, I'd definitely say you were UNSEXY!"

Kirishima- appalled that someone would DARE refer to his boss as "unsexy"- knees Takaba HARD in the stomach.

_"Hrgh!"_ Takaba grunts.

Kirishima grins vindictively, "Oops... sorry about that. I get these random leg spasms."

Takaba suddenly knees Kirishima HARD in the balls.

_"Guhhh!"_ groans Kirishima.

"Yeah... I get those, too," Takaba retorts, sarcastically.

Takaba breaks away from the men and runs to a door at the back of the alleyway. He wrenches it open and slips through it thinking it will lead out, but that WAS the door that leads out... from a stairway leading to the roof. Now he's cornered like a rat on the roof.

Suoh gloats triumphantly, "Ha! Now you're cornered like a rat on the roof!"

Takaba has no choice but to take his chances and jump off the roof. Shocked, Asami and Suoh look over the edge.

Takaba is clinging precariously to a signboard.

"Nyahhhhhhh!" Takaba sticks his tongue out; his legs spread wide apart as he straddles the large, vertical sign.

Asami smiles evilly. "Heh. That gives me a few ideas..."

. . . . .

The next day, Takaba is at a police station, speaking with Detective Yamazaki.

"I don't know WHAT THE HELL you got me into!" Takaba rants. "Somehow I ended up getting beat up in an alleyway by a bunch of men wearing 3-piece Armani suits, while a really elegant, but _scary!_ dude watched. He acted like he wanted to EAT me for dinner! I had to jump off of a building to escape... from three-stories up! I even got injured..." Takaba whimpers and holds up his bandaged pinky finger.

"Where?" Detective Yamazaki checks out Takaba's body from head to toe.

"My pinky finger!" Takaba waves the bandaged finger in front of Yamazaki's nose. "See?! I sprained it!"

"You jumped down three stories and only sprained a pinky?" Yamazaki stares at him, incredulous. "I don't believe it! You probably have internal injuries. You should come into my office and take your clothes off... you know, so I can make sure you're not hurt anywhere else."

Takaba eyes Yamazaki suspiciously."Why would I do that? You're a cop, not a doctor."

Yamazaki looks away. "I was just joking."

"Well, at least explain what the hell you got me into!"

Yamazaki takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "That 'elegant, but _scary!_ dude' you are referring to sounds like a man called Asami. He's a bad, bad man. He's got his hand in all the cookie jars... illegal shipments of guns, drugs, Xbox consoles... you name it. Bad man... BAAAD! As your appointed guardian, I cannot allow you to go anywhere near him... ever again!"

Yamazaki pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Takaba. "By the way, Asami... umm, I mean a CORRUPT POLITICIAN, will be down at the pier at a warehouse, tonight, at midnight. Here's the address."

"Ooh! Thanks for the tip, Yama-san! I owe you one."

Yamazaki smirks and mutters to himself, "Yeah... I'll be sure to collect on that later."

. . . . .

That evening, Asami is at his penthouse, relaxing on a plush leather recliner, wearing nothing but a short, thick luxurious bathrobe opened partially to expose his smooth, muscular chest. Hmm... let's take a few minutes to appreciate that...

...

...

...

*AHEM*... Asami is relaxing on a plush leather recliner, wearing nothing but a short, thick luxurious bathrobe opened partially to expose his smooth, muscular chest. He flashes back to the scene of Takaba fearlessly jumping off the roof and sticking out his tongue as he straddles the large, vertical sign between his legs. Asami rewinds and replays the memory again- this time in slow motion.

Asami closes his eyes and smiles.

. . . . .

Later that evening, at the pier, near the warehouse around 2 AM, intrepid photojournalist-wannabe Akihito Takaba snaps a picture of ...

Takaba looks through his viewfinder and sees someone staring straight at him. "... is that Asami?! OH SHIT!"

Suddenly, Suou grabs Takaba from behind and knocks him out. He wraps Takaba in some fancy wrapping paper and adds a large, red bow.

Suoh enthusiastically delivers Takaba to Asami. "Happy birthday, Boss!"

Asami rolls his eyes. "Just toss him in the back of the limo."

. . . . .

Inside a warehouse office, Takaba wakes up and finds himself tied up, spread-eagle and NAKED! His body is adorned with a system of various black leather straps containing buckles, clips and chains.

"Wha... what's going on?"

Asami is standing in front of him, smirking. "You don't recognize a torture scene when you see one?" He opens a black leather bag and pulls out a rather large, _scary!_-shaped vibrator.

Takaba gulps. "I thought torture scenes usually involved shoving bamboo shoots under the fingernails."

Asami rummages through the bag. "Hmm... I don't think I have bamboo shoots..." He pulls out a urinary catheter and grins wickedly. "I wonder what I could POSSIBLY do with this?"

Asami does all manner of perverse acts to Takaba… including some Takaba had never even HEARD of. Asami takes pictures throughout the ordeal with Takaba's own camera.

Asami holds up a spent roll of film. "Here are some souvenir photos. I'd slip it in your pocket, but you seem to be lacking them at the moment… Ah, I have an idea..." He inserts film into Takaba's "slot B".

"Why are you doing these terrible things to me?" Takaba whimpers, miserably.

Asami gives him an ironic smile. "Don't you know? This story was written for an S/M themed issue of a magazine."

"Of course it was. It couldn't have been a VALENTINE'S THEMED ISSUE, COULD IT?!" Takaba weeps uncontrollably.

Asami is stunned at the sight of Takaba's tears. "Oh... not good."

Asami's only weakness is now exposed- he's a sucker for tears. He suddenly loses all interest in torturing Takaba. Asami softly caresses Takaba's teary face and tenderly kisses him. He gently loosens Takaba's bonds and then... RAPES THE HELL OUT OF HIM.

. . . . .

Back at the pier, early in the morning, three days later, Takaba returns to retrieve his lost camera equipment. Oddly enough, it is still there. Oddly enough, so is Detective Yamazaki. Seeing Takaba, Yamazaki freaks out and attempts to shoot him. Asami comes from OUT OF NOWHERE and shoots Yamazaki first. It turns out Yamazaki double-crossed the police, while the police double-crossed the rival gangsters, while the rival gangsters double-crossed Asami, while Asami double-crossed the rival gangsters BACK. So it was a double-double-double... uh, double cross.

Takaba figures out that he was double-crossed by EVERYBODY, in effect being triple-crossed... or maybe even quadrupled-crossed. Anyway, his feelings are REALLY hurt. He sits on a seawall, gazing out at the rising sun over the sea, a single tear rolling down his face.

Asami is totally captivated by this vision of Takaba. "You really are cute! Will you go out with me sometime?"

Takaba glares at Asami, "... sure."

"Really?" Asami raises his eyebrows, pleasantly surprised

Takaba gives Asami a dirty look. "NO!"

. . . . .

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Next- Target in the Viewfinder: Fixer


End file.
